Hazy On That
by tellmeliesxx
Summary: a story about not only coming out of the closet, but being forcefully removed against your will. ooc SBRL
1. Hazy On That

disclaimer: _not mine. boy love. some language._

_based on fictional character's past, but possibly set in present day London.._

[[sorry for mistakes - still getting the hang of editing on this site!]]

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"Awful early, aren't you, Black?" Deita inquired, not bothering to look over her shoulder, as the 18-year-old entered the office, aware of the student's presence. The student in question, Sirius Black, scoffed and loosened his tie, seating himself leisurely on the chair provided.

"I never come too early."

Raising an eye brow, Deita Truss, turned and lazily eyed her company up and down, taking in his deliciously disheveled uniform and teenage boy hairstyle and his handsome, very adult looks. Deita had to admit, it was that 'fuck-me' smile that got her.

"Now thats just tasteless." she replied, cool and coy - though unfortunately unable to maintain it, she suddenly found herself shoved onto her own desk with a hard taught young body pressing her into it and that hot succulent mouth moving hungrily against hers.

Who was she to fight it? The boy had moves.

x

Twenty minutes later - Sirius was late for a class - Deita slowly dragged on a cigarette on the floor, leaning against her desk leg in her undergarments and skirt, contemplating the present.

As Student Body President at London Boarding School, she found her job frequently varied from, rules and discipline implementation, student councilor, first aid applier, emergency and crisis divertor, all round best friend and confident, referee and general leader on the few thousand student populance social frontier. Among these, arose many situations over the past years, wearing gradually on the 22-year-old, thus, every once in a while the need to 'unwind' arose. Of course, there were always offers, those more than willing to become said 'unwindee', however Deita was cautious. She chose, after careful observation, who was least likely to get emotionally attached - understandably. No need for little heartbroken potential law suits running around the grounds. Dash, that would be no good at all.

Thus, Sirius Black. Young, ripe, great features, even greater body, exceptional stamina, and never short of surprises in bed (or desk). Sessions are usually quick and inconspicuous as possible, taking place early morning, before anyone has even switched on their coffee machines, and rule number one of never be seen talking around the grounds. Vastly easy enough in such a densely populated school - with more chance of running into the Pope than someone you actually know.

So that was it. The blissful nativity of uncomplicated sex. But this time it was different. Possibly because of the duration of this particular set of sessions, lasting now almost seven weeks - the longest so far - or perhaps Deita was just getting soft. But Deita was worried. Not a lot. Just a tinsy bit. About her newest victim. Before, she wouldn't give a damn - what's a good shag if you mope around like an emotional girl about it? But something about Sirius Black gave her cause for concern.

Over the past six to seven weeks, with her increasingly frequent visits from Black, Deita now knew enough about him to work out his Type. The Non-Committer. The 'stroll-through-life-living-in-the-moment' without a care about what happens next, for his overall happiness.

So Deita did. Certainly, no one else would - not in a boarding school with some five thousand other troubled students and no family to be seen.

Deita knew what Black was fated for - in fact she'd only recently admitted herself the same fate - a life of superficial highs and deep down lows. A life of loneliness, cigarettes and endless one-night-stands. And it wasn't always good fun.

x

"Sirius Black, please report to the Student President's office immediately - and a reminder that urinating is not permitted in the science laboratories. Thank you."

Grateful for the diversion, Sirius took his cue from the PA system, gave a nod to the teacher (who scowled) and set out of the class (remedial algebra - vomit) feeling altogether smug and mature, quite satisfied with his current situation in life.

Shortly, this would change, unbeknownst to the young man.

"Enter"

Sirius did so, taking his usual seat before the desk, eyes husky with anticipation and a suggestive comment on the tip of his tongue - but promptly closed his mouth, taken aback. The always easy-going smiling president sat rigid and serious across from him, index finger poised for silence.

'I asked you here to talk-"

"You're dumping me." Sirius interjected flatly, feeling deflated. Deita looked at him with all the patience in the world, possibly sexier than ever, all sleek bob, crisp fitted suit, perfect make up. Damn, Sirius noted absently.

"I want to help you start a healthy relationship." Deita decidedly said, cutting to the chase.

Sirius digested the words doubtfully, a frown creasing his features.

"Frequent consequence-less sex not healthy?"

"Of course it is," Deita provided, "With the right person." She considered the boy before her thoughtfully and sighed. 'This usually doesn't happen, but I've become quite fond of you. I want you to be happy, Sirius."

"I don't know if you noticed when we were shagging, but I was actually happy!" Sirius' comment was met with patient eyes that he had seen countless times looking up at him half-lidded and drunk on sex. He had known that it wouldn't be forever, but he hadn't predicted sitting there that day, faced with the woman who made him hard at a side-ways glance suddenly going maternal on him.

_Fuck_, Sirius thought, _What __have __I __got __myself __into_?

After another hour (or so it felt for the student) of basically professor-worthy lectures on what the Student President had deemed 'best' for Sirius, the boy was allowed to leave (although 'dismissed' may have been more appropriate) and slugged off back to an unfortunate day of classes consisting of boredom, attempted concentration and grossly unfair amounts of work - "to be completed for homework" - and after being so thoroughly disappointed by the day's session with Deita Truss, Sirius Black was not in the best of moods.

Especially so, the next morning, when he stepped out of the shower (post-morning wank) to find said Body President perched atop the bath edge, barely feet away, a vision of brunette beauty and poise amid the fog from the shower steam, looking completely composed. Sirius felt quite the opposite.

'What the-" words escaped him, as he belatedly looked around for his towel, failing to remember where he'd placed it and covered himself with his hands as an afterthought.

Usually the epitome of 'cool', Sirius found himself at quite a loss of what to do in the situation, staring dumbly, looking down at himself, frowning then looking back up at the woman.

"Oh don't look so surprised." Deita chided, leaning back on a hand casually. ' Its not like this is anything I haven't seen already, Black." she added, then openly trailed her eyes down the fine specimen before her.

Sirius glanced at the doorway as if waiting for his mates to jump out screaming "GOTCHA!" a grudging smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Finally his eyes rested back on the girl.

'What are you doing here?"

"I thought we'd start today. Now, in fact." Deita beamed, looking excited, apparently anticipating many good times ahead.

Sirius shook his head. "Start what?"

Frowning, Deita explained carefully, "Well, finding you a partner."

Suddenly clicking, Sirius exaggerated his understanding, recalling the previous day, "Oh! You mean the whole 'healthy relationship' gig? Well - that's not going to happen, babe - and you know why?"

Taking the young woman's unimpressed expression for consent, he went on.

'Because I can have any girl I want," he paused for emphasis, "I can fuck any girl I want, when I want," Finally, lifting his arms to add extravagant gestures, not caring if his bits were on show, "And I don't have some boring, emotional-wreck girlfriend waiting around wondering where I am all the time and arguing with me about it." He finished defiantly. " That's why I don't need a fucking healthy relationship."

Unmoved, Deita stood and gave Sirius a considering stare. "Well you won't get one then. Not like that."

Without another word, she stood and made towards the door, throwing a towel over her back and leaving the small dorm bathroom in a haze of fog.


	2. Hazy On That 2

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Sirius carried on the week still feeling confused and affronted by the events of that morning and more annoyingly at his loss of what to do about it. He tried to focus on being normal, not thinking about what the crazy broad had said to him. This included but was not limited to, refraining from listening in class, mucking about with his mates, and flirting with anything that moved. All in a day's work.

At dinner at the end of the week, Sirius sat at his usual table amongst the familiar animated thrum of conversation from his mates and felt oddly _there__, _yet not _a__part_ of his peers. Usually, he just fit, slipping into the conversation like an old glove and almost immediately bursting into laughter. Now he half heartedly listened, finding nothing that naturally came to mind to add, Sirius settled into his seat and for once in his five years of schooling, he focused entirely on his meal.

Well, truth be told, not entirely. Something that didn't happen to escape Sirius' notice, quite surprisingly, was another boy at the table, sitting a few seats away, reading. At mealtime. He was in between someone that was half standing on their chair to physically describe something, and a group of guys attempting to get a game of across-the-table ball going. Sirius watched on curiously, as he slurped down his soup. The boy was being constantly pushed, sat and fallen on, hit by ricocheting balls and most likely severely bruised by stray elbows, left, right and center. Honestly, Sirius felt damn sorry for the bloke.

_Must have been shy, not one to speak up or tell anyone otherwise. Always too busy with his head down in some book, probably... Seems like a good book, whatever it is, if being abused from the sidelines of wild table rugby won't even make him look up... Wonder what he looks like – his face is covered by that damn fringe of dirty blonde bangs – why won't he look up? Doesn't he eat? I mean, surely all that reading exerts some type of energy, so at some stage food would need to be – hold on a second._ Amid Sirius' absent-minded monologue, he paused to rethink the situation..._Why do I want to see what some random bloke reading at my table looks like? What in hell does it matter to me? ...Maybe it's something in the soup...someone leaked some hallucinogens into the kitchen again – shifty kitchen staff..._ Dismissing his drugged soup idea, Sirius grudgingly clued himself in on his problems. _All right, first I can't string a few words together in front of my best mates, and now I'm thinking about blokes in a non-blokey way. Christ.._

"Sirius!" a voice called, mercifully breaking Sirius from his reverie. "Sirius – are you right, mate? Haven't heard two words from you all day!" James then lowered his voice conspiratorially, face uncharacteristically concerned, "Something happen with the President..?"

James Potter, being Sirius' closest and oldest friend, was privy to the ever-changing, adventurous and long-listed daily updates of Sirius' 'love' life – more appropriately named, 'lust' life, some would say (there was definitely more shagging than actual loving). And being said personal confident, James was allowed knowledge of the more recent extra curricular activities under the, if you like, 'bed-notch' of Student Body President, Deita Truss. Not that Black ever wasted an opportunity to flaunt his latest exploits to a crowd of willing (generally male) ears, but this event required more confidentiality under the circumstances.

As Sirius attempted to sort his mind straight pointlessly rubbing his temple, he replied, "No...no. We're just taking a break."

Alarmed at the unusual information, James Leaned back in his chair, wide eyed in exaggerated shock. "Mate!" he said, clapping his friend on the shoulder (interpreted into the equivalent of Guy Sympathy) and continued, "You must be losin' your touch! Not often a girl turns you down first, bro!" Under his breath he added, "But you're okay about it, right?"

Sirius gave a nervous laugh and regretted saying anything. "Yeah, mate. Just got a few things on my mind, you know." He responded lightly, trying to sound reassuring.

This proved only to heighten James' eyebrows, now dangerously bordering into his hairline, which Sirius would normally have found laughable but didn't. "Dude," James began, taking on his tough-bloke persona in defense (the default for men when faced with emotion – not wanting to risk catching Girl Cooties and all.). "Watch it - before you start getting allemotional and girly on me!" Sirius noted the undertone of uneasiness and decided to de-stress the situation before it reached new undefined heights of Awkward.

"Look, man, I'm fine – just tired, long day an' all. I'll head up now and get some shut eye. See you 'round, yeah?"

Protesting about it being Friday Night but to no avail, James turned defeated to the rest of the guys, seeing Sirius off, absently, with one last pat on the back (the blokey kind, of course). Sirius left his meal and made his way up to the dormitories, managing to forget about the blonde bookworm, instead caught up too much in his own problems. As he walked through the doorway, he barely managed to remove his shoes before collapsing into bed and almost immediately falling asleep.

Meanwhile, back in the dining hall, Deita Truss scribbled furiously into her notepad at the staff table, recalling her observations of Sirius Black in his natural social environment and the abnormalities of the night's meal. She particularly-

"Oi – Truss!" Came a loud voice edged with drink from one of the male teachers, across the table. "You up for pokertonight, eh?"

Grimacing and trying to refrain from up-chucking the vegetable roast she'd just consumed, the 22-year old gave a mental eye roll. Yes, just an innocent game of poker that someone was bound to turn into the strip version. With a bunch of teachers, the majority being over 50. Stifling a gag, she replied.

"Why, that sounds lovely."

"Teacher's lounge, at 9 – don't over-dress!" This comment was accompanied by a particularly vulgar leer as half the table made their drunken way presumably to the teachers lounge for pre-poker drinks and Deita firmly decided something would suddenly pop up, like having to make a noose for herself, ensuring her lack of presence at said poker night. Terribly unfortunate.

As the last of the happy troop moved out, Deita got back to work consulting her notes. As she was saying - she particularly noted Sirius' rather trance-like state when watching another male figure at the table, causing reason for Deita to come to a new conclusion that may change her whole study perspective completely. She looked over her findings thoughtfully and decided more information was definitely necessary, and smiled conspiratorially to herself. A lot closer observation was needed, indeed.

x

When Sirius awoke the next morning, he felt marginally better than he had in all week, especially with the promise of two days of school-less bliss. He got up, grabbed a few things absently and walked leisurely to the bathrooms. Since Monday mornings awkward events, it was safe to say that Sirius no longer felt quite at ease in the dorm showers, and yes he did occasionally whip his head around the shower curtain at even the slightest noise indicating a certain female presence.

Hiding in the toilet cubical on the opposite wall, looking through the crack in the doorway, Deita was first hand witness to this behavior, bordering on mild paranoia – however, knowing she was the cause for the young boys fully justified obsessive tendencies, Deita overlooked it.

When Sirius cautiously stepped out of the shower, quickly grabbing a towel as he narrowed his eyes briefly around the room – just barely missing the pair of black heels vanishing beneath a closed toilet cubical (to rest uncomfortably mid air), he realized in his haste he had forgotten to bring a change of clothes. Luckily it was still early enough that not many people would be up and moving around, being Saturday. Securing the towel around his waist, Sirius made his way through the maze of showers and changing rooms to go back to his dorm. He experienced a minor setback however, when he accidentally walked in on someone who was in the process of de-robing. Normally, Sirius would have simply walked on, nothing abnormal about guys seeing guys naked in a boy's dormitory, but this time, on this particular morning, Sirius found himself transfixed to the spot.

Eyes wide, he watched as the boy with his back to Sirius – he looked about Sirius' age, maybe younger; he was built a little smaller and leaner – slowly unbutton his shirt, slip it off and fold it neatly onto the seat nearby. Feeling all his values about boys being attracted to girls - full stop, fly out the window, Sirius could only admire the slimly muscled fair plane of the boy's back curving into a narrow waist. He felt his cock twitch in surprise as the boy continued undressing, pulling down his pajama pants to reveal softly curved, supple buttocks – He wasn't wearing anything underneath those worn thin pants, damn...! And still Sirius could only stare, ignoring the increasingly compromised values as the seconds ticked on.

When the boy had finished folding his things, he delicately stepped into the shower and seemed to spend an unreasonably tedious amount of time arranging his soap and bottles of hair product and his loafer, and Sirius felt inexplicably prickly with anticipation at seeing this gorgeous boy shower. Sirius had always had a kink for water and watching now as the water started up, gradually fogging the area...dripping down muscled skin, into crevices, along those slight curves, water droplets from the spray in the shaggy dirty blonde hair...and that fringe...those liquid gold eyes...

"Ar-AAGH!" Sirius jumped back in shock as he stared in the face of his observe-ee, and felt a new prickle, of embarrassment, in the form of a bright red heat, that spread up his neck and sportingly flushed his face, Sirius feeling not unlike when he had been caught masturbating. For the first time. By his father. Not pleasant.

With increasing concern as to what he was still doing there – the boy now openly watching his response, with obvious amusement – Sirius abruptly stumbling out of the dorm bathroom into the hallway grabbing his towel as it began to hang precociously off of his hips at the fast jogging pace. When he reached the dorm, he shut the door and leaned his back against it as if for an added barrier from what he had just done. The door slam echoed across the room and in his head, with a finality that seemed fitting to signal the end of his now apparent delusion, that he was straight.

Back in the boy's bathroom, Deita casually crossed the same area Black had only just crossed, notebook in hand, heels click-clicking on the titled floor. Entering the room with the boy Deita had been watching Sirius watch (for study-purposes, of course), she found him stepping out of the shower, towel around waist and another he used to towel dry his hair, looking silently bemused. He looked up as Deita entered.

"What was with _him_?" he asked her, apparently aware the woman had observed the scene (who said anything about Deita slipping him a twenty just a few minutes earlier...?).

Deita frowned and gave a shrug, pausing in front of the boy. "Haven't a clue." Mentally, she prepared her notes on the session, going something along the lines of, _Well, he's definitely not straight..._

Deita quickly retrieved a business card and offered it, the boy took it obligingly and glanced it over, a question on the tip of his tongue, "Why-"

"Give me a call so we can have a little chat, er -?"

"Remus – Lupin." the blonde replied, and carefully placed the card with his other belongings. "Sure." he added and Deita smiled reassuringly.

"Perfect. I'll be seeing you!" And on that cryptic note that left Remus wondering if he'd just invited himself to a homicidal stalker, Deita was on her way to fix up her subject's love life, utterly convinced of herself and her purpose.


	3. Hazy On That 3

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Shocked and thoroughly convinced on his inability to ever go out in public again, Sirius confined himself to his dormitory - more specifically, to his bed, covered by several hundred sheets and covers for good measure. His story, to anyone that passed by, was that of a horrific stomach bug, complete with detailed descriptions of the vomit, digestive problems and...let's just leave it at that (what's the rating on this story again...?). To James, he decided to tell the truth. Or, was bullied like a girl into painful and deeply grudging submission – he had the scars to prove it.

"So, you're _gay_?" James inquired, when Sirius was done explaining, his voice carrying enough that they received a few intrigued turned heads.

Sirius scrunched up his face, and very loudly voiced his pained denial, "What-! Nooo!" Then – once satisfied the conversation was once again solely between the two – lowered his voice. "No. I mean...Maybe. I don't know.." Scratching his head as through _willing_ the deep confusion away (_Pfft_.), Sirius looked up to see his friend's face frozen in a look of perpetual astonishment.

"But..." he finally sputtered, "You never like...fancied _me_ or anything...right...?"

It was Sirius' turn to sputter, in disgust, "Jesus- _shit_, James! I _do_ have taste!"

James seemed to visibly exhale, his whole body un-tensing as though he had prepared himself for the potential threat of atomic bombs to start falling through the roof, and Sirius rolled his eyes heavenward, sinking further into his cotton clad tomb (for which he was now also convinced was where he was to die, possibly sooner than he had previously expected).

There was one of those awkward silences, that Sirius foresaw endless repeats of for many conversations to come, if they continued in the same essence, before James piped up with a grin,

"So who's the lucky fella'?"

To which Sirius promptly punched him in the arm. Hard.

"FU-UCK!" James managed in between clenching his teeth, rubbing his wound and laughing at the reaction. "Touchy." he remarked, and made a mental note to be less of a jackass to preserve his chances of living into his twenties.

x

Monday morning made its gradual appearance, preluding the week that Sirius was convinced he didn't terribly want to be conscious for. Especially not when he was forcefully removed from his protective sanctum, bright and early, by now ex-mate, James Potter despite the darker brunette's utterly moving protesting, shouting, whining, begging and bargaining – even trying the classic, "James! James – I'm dying," to no avail. Sirius found himself thoroughly showered and washed, cleaned and presentable in full school uniform with sufficient time for breakfast and even a jog or two around the grounds – _Fat__chance_- before classes began.

As James gave himself a smug pat on the back at his accomplishment – no minor feat, getting Sirius Black to do something he really didn't want to do – Sirius collapsed in a heap on the hallway floor (they were on their way to the dining room) mid-stride, and James had to backtrack fast between the steady flow of starved zombie-like students, to get to his friend.

"Sirius-! What -"

"What if I _see_ him?" Sirius gasped, his eyes staring aimlessly into a far wall. James, seriously considering the possibility his friend was mentally unstable, squatted at his side, minding the army of legs that seemed unwilling to deter their paths around the two, as Sirius went on, apparently coming to an even shocking-er conclusion, "What if _he_ sees _me_?"

Frowning, James gently tried to prize off his friend's vice-like fingers gripping onto his shirt as though for dear life, feeling squirmish under the penetrating stare of Sirius' obvious distress - barely millimeters away from his own face.

Creating a little space in his personal bubble, James carefully pushed Sirius' shoulders away from his person, and sighed, wondering idly whether other friendships endured this much effort, and if so, where to get one that didn't.

"Just _breathe_, okay, dude? _Relax_." James soothed, now just wanting to wrap things up – the smell of that bacon was wafting through the air, _dammit__!_"I mean, you _said_ he looked younger – he's probably not even in our _year __level_, so what are the chances your gunna _see__him_ suddenly?" Impressed with his own reasoning, James felt refreshingly assured, himself, and pulled the still shaky Sirius to his feet and got moving, along with the rest of the crowd, food-ward.

Sirius only wished he felt as confident with the words, but couldn't help the NAVY-worthy knots he felt his stomach tie into, almost wishing he could swap his situation for the scapegoat stomach bug and just wait it out. Unfortunately, Sirius was quite certain no amount of 'waiting out' would resolve this problem, making the inevitable confrontation an even more uninviting prospect.

His bed was just looking better and better.

x

"AARGH!"

"_Black_! I _asked_ you what the answer to this equation is!" The teacher yelled, visibly frustrated beyond detention-giving-levels at Sirius' frighteningly more-disruptive-than-usual behavior. "Are you even _listening__, _boy?"

As Sirius had decidedly shrunk himself to the eye line below his desk the whole lesson with a book propped open covering his face, his glazed eyes perring around the classroom, outside in the hall way and even outside the window – three floors above ground (__you ____never ____know__...) - for that familiar face, Sirius thought it was safe to say he did know nothing of the equation in which the teacher was referring to, what he had been saying for the past fifty minutes or even what subject he was in. He was, however, quite certain on the fact that the nameless blonde-haired boy was indeed, not in his class or for that matter within a ten meter radius – and that he had seemed to develop a nervous twitch in his left eye.

As Sirius sat up straighter feeling secure in this information, opening his mouth to reply with an cunningly unfathomable lie, the teacher – now completely beetroot head to toe, and pointing his white-board marker menacingly – rudely interrupted, apparently having had enough.

"_ENOUGH_! GO SEE THE STUDENT PRESIDENT! _NOW_!"

And without a backward glance, Sirius quickly slunk from the classroom, and grudgingly traced the familiar steps to his lucky-break-in-the-form-of-doom ahead. Two weeks ago, he wouldn't have been able to get there fast enough – but, as may have been subtly pointed out earlier, things had changed.

Reaching the doorway, Sirius had practically managed to exhaust every possibility of what might happen in the moments to come to brace himself, however still felt the stubborn pout stain his lips - not unlike a child not getting their way – as he rapped twice on the familiar door. He waited a moment, watching his feet, hands in pockets – before a thought occurred to him that made his stomach suddenly free fall to somewhere below his knees.

_The bathroom incident._

_Surely...she wouldn't have heard..._

_No. Definitely not._

_Unless..._

_No__. _Sirius was certain that she couldn't know.

_But what would she do if she did?_

Hesitating before entering, hand on the door knob, Sirius had a disturbingly vivid mental image of opening the door to find a full blown white wedding in progress, complete with flower arrangements, bouquets, blinding white decorations, countless on-lookers dressed to the nines looking starry-eyed - some crying, even an ice sculpture of two men embracing (at this, Sirius almost choked) and right at the front, a smiling Deita as the priest behind the alter – and the nameless shaggy blonde boy in a sharp tuxedo looking damn fine..

Hang on! In the mental image, Sirius looked down to find himself...

...In a great enormity of white silk covering the floor space of about ten people, around him and some type of sickly delicate embroidered bodice covering his rather broad chest!

Coughing and spluttering, Sirius dismissed the vision in blatant disbelieving disgust, the words 'healthy relationship...healthy relationship" echoing eerily in his mind. Setting his jaw and pushing up his sleeves defiantly, Sirius pushed open the door and marched inside feeling ready to take on whatever the hell was thrown at him. Unless it was...a wedding...


	4. Hazy On That 4

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Remus was gay.

Not that anyone really was aware of it, in a school of thousands where you'd have trouble rounding up a handful of peers who even knew the 17 year old existed, let alone any that knew of his sexual preferences, but that was how he liked it. He could date whomever he wanted, of whatever sex he cared and not have to worry about anything of consequence in that weeks public speculation.

The story of Remus' life; sticking to the shadows, keep his head down over a book, careful to not attract much attention. And it had always worked, too.

Until Sirius Black had noticed him.

Back tracking a tad, Sirius Black had always been just like everyone else, without a clue about Remus' presence and never giving him a second glance (or even a first glance, really) but Remus could tell that night in the dining hall that something had changed. He remembered the intense gaze of those gorgeous searching gray, gray eyes on him, Remus, the whole evening. He could feel the warmth creep up his neck, and - sinfully - down his trousers, just at the thought. Sirius Black was serious eye candy, and everyone knew it, because everyone either wanted to fuck him or be him.

For Remus it was the former, in case you were uncertain, as much as he was reluctant to side with the majority. But he was realistic – the chance of doing so, of Sirius actually making a conscious choice to acquaint himself better (if at all) with Remus, were depressingly sparse.

The rumours were that he was good – in fact, one comment Remus had overheard that Sirius had been 'phenomenal', the girl had sighed loudly and insistently every few seconds as though basking blissfully in week long afterglow, which Remus had thought was a little excessive. Although, the verdict all round seemed to come to a positive consensus, to the point that almost any girl (and those choice few of the male gender too) were more than eager to take the wondrous opportunity for a night (or day, morning, noon, quickie-between-classes, pre-dinner-romp, toilet-cubical-lovin' – _anything_ – these gals will take what they can get) with the notorious, ever-charming, _beyond_ desirable Sirius Black. Mind, there were probably a few stalkers out there too...

Yet despite all this, Remus couldn't help but continue to crush on the boy. And, really, it was quite sad.

Dismissing the dining table incident as some type of once-off occurrence, purely accidentally or at least coincidental (Sirius may have been on something that made him unresponsive and stare distantly at particular people...), Remus was happy to carry on his quiet, shy existence until one morning, soon after, when he went to the bathrooms early as usual, where he'd come across the Student Body President – _not_ as usual.

She had explained to him that she was there on official business, concerning the well-being of a troubled student, and would need Remus to do her a favour. For the student.

Remus didn't usually consider himself someone to be bought, but the twenty quid was distracting him somewhat.

So Remus agreed, albeit hesitantly, and granted the woman his attention, listening to the impressively detailed and immaculately timed plan – inwardly questioning the relevance to said student's mental health, but nonetheless, he complied to the puzzling yet performable requests.

At first, Remus had been slightly nervous. Okay, downright uncomfortable. He had never intentionally been fully, visibly naked before anyone, ever, one of the many reasons he chose this particular time slot for bathing.

Then, the idea settled and as the minutes ticked on, he even grew warm to it. Stripping in front of a boy, being the _seducer_. In most of his relationships he'd always been submissive, letting his date's do as they please so he could get off his jollies without lifting a finger – within reason of course, Remus was a practical man. Now, Remus having complete control over what the other man felt – it was quite exciting. Shaking a little from nerves, but feeling rather cheery, Remus waited impatiently, glaring at his watch to speed up time and followed the second hand intently.

6:39 precisely!

And, right on cue, Remus heard the soft pad of footsteps approach and slow, and saw the familiar figure from the corner of his eye and, smiling smugly to himself, got on with the show.

Remus ensured he went extra slow, accentuating every movement, stressing every flex, everything sexy and languid he ever wanted to be and thought he never would. It felt wonderful. From the halted footsteps and gradually increasing breathing behind him, it seemed as though he was doing a good job of it too. Yes, Remus Lupin was seducing Sirius Black in the boy's dorm bathrooms.

Provoked by the other boy's reactions, Remus mustered the confidence to remove the last of the material restraining him to stand nude right there, where anyone could walk in (he shuddered slightly at that) and proceeded deliberately into the shower stall. Taking an unreasonably long time arranging his things in the shower, hoping it had the intended effect, Remus eventually turned the knobs emitting the increasingly warming spray of water, splashing his face and running fluidly down his body all at once, feeling more wonderful. Under the assumed scrutiny of his male presence, Remus could feel every trickle of water trace lines down his skin, intensified as though much larger and denser than mere trails of liquid.

Remus was shocked to feel his body respond so speedily and intensely stimulated at no physical contact with the other boy - just his gaze, boring into Remus' back, eyes licking up his back, the gentle curve of his buttocks, the crease disappearing between his legs – he probably wanted to part those cheeks roughly and sink himself to the hilt inside Remus as though primal animals, running on nothing but pure intinctal urges, pounding mercilessly like there's no tomorrow...

-Remus couldn't take it anymore – not seeing Black watching him, not knowing what he was thinking, what he wanted – IF he wanted Remus – just one look – christ__, he was beautiful...__

"Ar-ARGH!"

His face looked even better than Remus imagined, and better than any dream because it really was Sirius Black, staring at __him__, Remus, and watching him shower! __Nude__! Those eyes that had been so heavy and lust-filled that Remus felt his knees weaken, but now he looked on at Sirius' obvious distress at the situation, as he yelped and almost tripped backwards over himself in embarrassment. It was amusing, Remus conceded guiltily, but at the same time, he did feel sorry for the man. Probably didn't even know he's gay.

Remus could help him out there. In fact, he'd be delighted to...

Black left in a hurry after that, which Remus understood completely and was not offended, but with him, the dark haired boy took the warmth and wonderful lust leaving only the imprint of memory and a whole new rhelm of possibility.

Hearing the sharp click clack of heels approaching, Remus quickly finished showering and toweled up, pondering the events of the morning. The president entered the room as Remus stepped out of the shower, drying his hair as he acknowledged her with a questioning glance.

"What was with _him_?" He asked her, realising belatedly that this was the so called "troubled student" – was the illustrious Sirius Black __really__ in need of councelling?

Deita Truss shrugged non-committedly as she strolled forward, pausing in front of Remus to give him her card.

"Why-" Remus had no clue what on Earth was going on, wondering how he even got into this situation in the first place.

"Give me a call so we can have a little chat, er -?"

"Remus – Lupin." Remus replied hastily, and resignedly put the card with his other belongings. "Sure." he added, unsure.

The woman smiled looking like the cat that got the cream, making Remus feel not too pleasant.

"Perfect. I'll be seeing you!"

And before Remus could say another word she left. Remus could only frown, finger poised to question, mouth open slightly, a thousand things battling uselessly on the tip of his tongue to be said to an absent audience. Now what?


	5. Hazy On That 5

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_...Sirius pushed open the door and marched inside feeling ready to take on whatever the hell was thrown at him. Unless it was a wedding..._

What was thrown at him. Ha! Trust fate to take that literally.

As Sirius strided into the room, a man on a mission, he was abruptly hit by a blurred half-dressed figure – did he see... _handcuffs_? - making a quick getaway past Sirius, in doing so, knocking him back a step and startling him out of his blind determination. Without a backward glance, or even a hastily called goodbye, the unknown boy was gone, and Sirius turned his attention to the other presence in the room, now hesitant.

Deita Truss sat up on an elbow on her desk, legs dangling playfully over the edge, greatly resembling a smug, comfortably lounged cat, that had just got the damned cream. _Yikes_. She was fully clothed, fortunately, with only her blouse falling open to reveal not a whole lot of lace and way too much flesh filling it out.

"He forgot the key," she remarked, not looking too beat up about it, and Sirius swallowed uneasily, sparing a thought for the poor bloke. Was that what he used to be?

"Anywho," Deita remarked cheerfully, finally looking at Sirius as though only just realising he was in the room. She sat up with feline grace and femininity, looking beautiful and sexy and everything Sirius had always thought he'd wanted. Or so he'd believed.

"So, Sirius, have a nice weekend?" she purred, before leaning over – to conceal her smug smile, and not very deliberately – and rummaging around a drawer in her desk. Sirius absently recognized the action, the old after-fuck ciggy, while his body suddenly went numb.

Fuck. She knew.

Smiling with the cigarette between her luscious, only slightly smudged, painted lips, she lit the end with a convenient lighter and dragged on it deeply, sensuously. Black watched, only watched – feeling no urge to get contact, to grab the woman, rough and hard, and get her to look at him like he was the cigeratte. A week ago, he would have had her naked by now. The thought didn't surprise Sirius, and he wondered if he was maybe getting used to the idea of being gay...? Surely not. The boy from the shower came to mind and Sirius made his brain shut up.

Suddenly, Deita leaned forward, eyes narrowing at Sirius, taking the cigarette from her mouth to ask, "Is your _left eye twitching_?"

Sirius ignored her and, unable to collect any productive thoughts, cleared his throat and frowned, "How'd you find out?" he managed, his voice cracking – cracking, for fuck's sake - and Deita gave a laugh bordering on psychotically evil. So much for consequenceless frequent sex. Sirius was having some serious regrets – this woman was crazy.

"Oh, don't look like that, Sirius. I'm doing this to help _you_," the brunette explained, smiling encouragingly like an overly concerned parent – christ knew Sirius didn't need any more of _them_. "I mean, look at all the progress we've made!" she continued, inhaling on her death stick thoughtfully, "We're sure of your sexuality, now. I know, you've had a hard childhood growing up, and it turned you into an emotionally detached adolescent seeking warmth, comfort and acceptance through frequent physical contact through sex that made you feel as possibly close to a person as you could get without actually breaching the whole 'love' subject – and chose the societal expected route of all-female mates, but _now_, you can develop a relationship without these pressures and find someone you can openly appreciate and can appreciate you back and maybe even learn to love. You're sexually and emotionally free, Sirius!"

Smiling expectantly, way too self-assured – Sirius was reminded of James then... - Sirius' frown deepened at the woman before him. Did she have a few joints stashed somewhere he didn't know about? What was all this 'freedom' and 'acceptance' crap? This was turning into something horrific out of a Dr Phil re-run.

"What are you _on_?" he inquired, most definitely concerned.

The student body president tilted her head and dragged half-lidded sarcastic eyes to meet Sirius', "I'm doing this for you, Black. As much as you may not want to believe it, I'm insuring you for your future, so you don't turn out like..." the woman trailed off, and averted her eyes, possibly the first time Sirius had witnessed her uncomfortable, making him unable to pin the emotion at first. Looking to pursue the subject, wondering what she was hiding, Sirius made to question her further - but before he could even take a breath to speak, someone knocked quietly on the office door.

Deita looked up, face bright, with no signs of the uneasiness of the few moments before and Sirius frowned again.

"What excellent timing! Come in!" she added, louder, and Sirius turned in his chair, curiously watching the door as it carefully opened and around it stepped...

"F_uckshitcraaa_-ACK-!" Upon setting eyes on the boy from the dining hall that Sirius had then spied on in the showers and been agonizing over since – Sirius promptly fell out of his chair; attempting to stand, leap backwards and get out of the chair all at the same time, resulting in a rather unfortunate landing, horizontal, on the hard floor. _Ow..._

There was no time to lose – Sirius got to his feet, stifling a groan at the slight pain and legged it out of the room, making absolute sure not to touch his body to the other boy's in any way, or make eye contact, during his exit and then proceeded to run as though his life depended on it down the hall, not caring about anything but being as far away from the scene he'd just left as possible. There was _no way_ he was ready to confront that situation yet. _No way_ in hell.

In Sirius Black's wake, Remus Lupin stared after the boy's rapidly retreating figure questioningly, before turning to Deita Truss. Honestly, he'd never had so many consecutive, absolutely mind-boggling, completely confusing moments in his entire life, or possibly even in recorded history.

"You asked for me to meet you now, didn't you?" Adding silently, _so what was that about?_

Deita waved a hand dismissively at the door, and shook her head as though in stupendous disbelief. "Oh, nothing. He's troubled." she provided as way of explanation, explaining absolutely nothing to Remus, and continued, "Do come in, dear. Take a seat. Don't mind the smoke." As an afterthought the president subtlety pulled her blouse together as she stubbed out the stick, and stood to sit opposite her new company behind her desk.

Once both were seated, she smiled. Remus glanced back at the door nervously, quickly calculating how quickly he could get up and make a break for it, should the situation arise that he-

"Now," Deita began, twinning her hands on the desk in front of her. "You probably have a few questions you would like to ask-"

"Ah, yes – about that-"

"And, I would be more than happy to answer them but, I need you to be aware of my student/teacher confidentiality and that what happens in Sirius Black's personal life is between him and those he chooses to tell."

At this, Remus closed his mouth and nodded looking and down and realizing maybe he was a little quick to jump the gun...

Deita continued with a growing smile, "However, as I'm anticipating you being a part of this personal life soon, I suppose and can supply you with some information – as long as, I can have something in return. I hope we can reach an understanding, here, Remus."

They talked for a while, Remus feeling warmer towards the woman suddenly, and afterwards, agreeing to another session in a few days, left the room feeling happy and hopeful – more so than he had in a long time.

x

"Sirius! Buddy! It's been a while – we're you been, mate?" James called across the room as Sirius entered the dorm and made a beeline for his bed shortly before collapsing on it, on his face and not moving.

James, not overly concerned turned back to whatever he was doing and continued the one-sided conversation over his shoulder, "Run into the president? Or that – that, guy? You know, the one you wanna bugger senselessly?" receiving no reply, James went on, and Sirius noted the rare undertone of cheeriness – _odd_, "You'll never guess what – you missed the absolute most excellent thing. Lily Evans-"

Sirius lifted his head at that, "The redhead with the nice rack?" he provided automatically, after months of hearty man discussion over it with the rest of the male populance of the school, "The one that was too good for you?"

James turned and immediately objected, "She has a really nice personality, and she's great to talk with too." Obviously protective, and Sirius backed down, mentally raising an eye brow at the 'personality' bit (_very unlike James, what's got into the bloke?_), sinking his face back into the bed – no real fire to argue or probe, but James didn't show any signs of stopping his enlightening monologue now. "Anyway, she asked me to this party this weekend – you know, the one Will Connor's throwing, boasting about his new massive sound system that's apparently illegal in some states of the US – and she was going on about what she was going to wear and who her friends were bringing and shit, but I didn't hear anything, mate. It was like I was in the presence of God. She's a fucking goddess, bro' – I'm tellin' ya'. Man..."

Sirius lifted his head, hesitantly this time, and turned skeptical eyes to his friend who was sighing dreamily – dreamily – and leaning back in his chair, eyes staring off in a definite daze. Smitten. Love sick. Completely and utterly gone. Just excellent.

"Hey, excellent, mate. I'm glad for ya'." _Poor fucking sod._

James didn't reply. Sirius made a mental note not to go to that damned party, and to stay clear away from any form of commitment, relationships, love and most definitely, the shower boy at all costs.


	6. Hazy On That 6

_[[Originally I wrote parts 1 to 5 in '08, continued this year with the following]]_

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'So.. uh, Sirius Black - I mean, Sirius. Is ''Sirius'' okay?' Not getting any reply, Remus cleared his throat and continued anyway. 'I've sort of had a crush on you.. for a while now, and -'

'I'm going to have to stop you right there.' Deita interupted dispassionately from her perch on the edge of her desk. She ditched her notebook, resigned, for a cigarette as Remus shrunk visibly in his chair. deita took a drag and leaned her weight to her free hand on the desk, her eyes locked on the college boy in a levelling expression.

'Not that I think you're not already aware of it, but this is Sirius Black - yes, he's currently in violent denial over his sexuality, bringing into question his whole constructed identity - but he's still the egotistical, anti-emotional, downstairs brain-thinking guy he always was. Just more vulnerable now.' Deita paused for emphasis, seeing Remus eating up the unspoken challenge in the words like an unanswered test paper. She continued, inwardly smiling. 'He's not going to go for the wussy, ''feelings circle'' approach. We need to be cunning. We need to be manipulative.. we need to be brutal..' she trailed off, deep in thought, and Remus took the opertunity to offer his two cents.

'What about; Sirius, I know you're having some difficulty with this, but as much as you might resent my help at first, I think -'

'You've got to kiss him.' Deita claimed victorious, practically purring at her own stroke of genius. 'Well, that or pull down his pants zipper.' she added, musing to herself. 'I've had just about equal success with both.'

'Hold on,' Remus sputtered, 'what? Is there not a plan B, or some other less horrifically embarrassing alternative?..'

Deita ignored him to instead look Remus up and down, taking in his neat college student appearance, wrapped in ugly shapeless cardigan. 'Do you own any other clothes?' she asked, partly acusation, and made a mental note to fix Remus too.

She was going to save her ex-lover no matter what it took. And whether he wanted saving or not.

x

Remus sighed and scratched at the crisp new white shirt Deita had attained for him from some unknown source, and then stood still to listen again for the footsteps of anyone approaching from where the hallway that disappeared around the corner. Nothing. He glanced across to the other side of the wall, from where he was hiding behind a large pillar, to see the Student Body President wedged within the confines of a janitors cupboard, peering around the door to give Remus an enthused double thumbs up. Remus was under the firm belief, that if any situation were to result in him dying on the spot from embarassment, the following series of events would surely take a leading position. With this comforting knowledge in mind, he steeled whatever scraps of resolve he could muster as he witnessed the man of his wet dreams proceeding down the hallway towards him.

What neither he, nor could he pressume Deita, had anticipated, was that Sirius was accompanied by his best friend James, in the process of a heated argument. Forgoeing the affirmentioned plan, Remus watched on unashamedly from his hiding place concealed in shadows, quite enjoying the luxury of indulging in someone else's problems, instead of his own, for a change.

'You say that you're not, but you're sodding well choosing a GIRL over your bloody mates!' Sirius was explaining, too loud and increaingly insensitive to get James to stop ignoring him. 'We've known each other a hell of a lot longer than any relationship you'll ever have - she's just a girl! There are tons of girls just like her, all over the campus, and plenty more out there. Haven't we always said, mate, that they're only good for one thing? Sure, she looks like a good root, but -'

It was at that moment, that James turned, stopping his friend both from talking and following in his pissed off wake, to give Sirius the reaction he'd been provoking.

'I know you think it's okay to fuck anyone that's willing, Sirius, in the name of being a bloke and having a good time - until recently I thought that was normal too. Hell, I was your competition, but now I'm -'

'Now you've been pussywhipped,' Sirius spat out, simultaneously disgusted with both James and with himself for letting the argument get to this point. He regretted the words as he said them, but faced his best mates fury head on, taking the swift right hook to his jawline, followed by a sinking feeling in his gut that didn't have all that much to do with the rest of his body overbalancing from the impact and hitting the ground.

He was still recovering on his bruised back, when he saw - who else but, Shower Boy - who'd stepped out from behind a pillar during the scuffle, aparently not intentionally meaning to show himself, from the look of sheer horror painting his lovely features.

James, still venomous, took advantage of the turn of events to throw more in Sirius' face, snarling to the wounded boy, 'Well if it isn't YOUR girlfriend, here to save your ass - although, I'd watch out, Sirius, that's not all she might do to you.'

Sirius felt the underlying meaning under the harsh words raher than the effect of what James had said. Their lives had been syncronised and speeding alongside each other for so long that they hadn't needed to test the strength of their friendship. Their commonalities could only talke them so far until a collission of heart. They came from two very different worlds growing up; one of love being good, the other where it made you..

'Just plain weak.' James seethed, after considering the other boy on the floor before him, shaking his head, eyes regretful - but turning and walking away all the same.

Sirius sighed at James' retreating back and scratched his head forlonly. Then winced. Then remembered.

'You!' he choked out, involuntarily scooting his body backwards into a nearby wall and cursing at the sore muscles that met it.

x

He looked so pathetically adorable, bruised physically and emotionally Remus was certain of, cringing against the wall all crumpled and helpless on the floor. Remus stepped forward, remembering his speecg that Deita had dismissed earlier, and went with his head. Deita had been right about one thing, Remus needed to help the poor boy.

'I know you're having difficulty with this, but I..' Remus took a deep breath and really looked at the young man before him, and someting moved insidee him that he hadn't felt for a long time, and he had the rare, uncanny impulse to instead go with his gut insinct. He took another step, gingerly leant down, so that he was hovering mere inches over Black. The weight of his decision was making him light headed, as he leaned forward over Sirius' lips with his own l wanting so desperately to to take him, lap him up hungrily - instead delicately pressing his month against Sirius'. So careful to make it a gentle act, but feeling the rest of his body respond mindlessly, pressing the res of himself against Black in the process.

Like one of those shameless floozes he so eaaily goes through, Remus chidded himself mentally, and immediately pulled away, feeling a little bit daft and a lot embarrassed - as he had forseen. It had been inevitable, he thought grimly.

Yeah, he'd really helped, all right, but said out loud, close to babbling, 'I'm terribly sorry - bad timing. That was really bad timing and completely innappropriate. It was all my fault, really. My mistake for misreading the situation, and for eavedropping and.. well, I should leave. Can you - you can get up. The nurses office is just around the - you know where the nurse's office is - going. I'll go now.'

Leaving a stunned Sirius in the hall, grapling with his now apparent dellusions about his hetrosexuality, but none the wiser that he was still being watched.


	7. Hazy On That 7

_exxxxtra long :)_

_[[PS. how does one obtain a Beta?...better yet - any takers? :D]]_

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Deita felt a delicious smile curl her lips and clutched her notes from the day's events greedily to her person as she made a beeline for her office. She had left the scene after Sirius had eventually made himself vertical, which took about as long as you'd expect, given how bewildered he appeared to be.

It couldn't have gone better, even if she'd planned it - which she had, but the fight had been the icing on the cake - forcing Black to lower his shields and Remus to feel powerful in the 'carer' role to give him enough confidence to... Deita's thoughts trailed off as she recalled The Kiss in high definition worthy detail. Biting her lip as she replayed the seemingly innocent yet deeply alluring act of the two young men snogging...

Deita stopped in her tracks, gaze straight forward and unseeing, body stock still to give herself a self assessment on what was going on in her head and, what she was suddenly becoming aware, on what was going on in her underpants.

She was attracted to members of the opposite sex getting it on. There was no doubt about it. Perhaps her eagerness to drive Sirius and Remus together had not been the completely selfless act she'd initially thought. No, it was all a ploy for her subconscious to get it's nasty rocks off, under the guise of setting Sirius on a track for a better life of comfortably companionable monogamy, to deter him from the regretful path of impermance she herself had herself chosen. One thing was for certain, she had to get to her office to change her underwear.

x

Increasingly looking forward to getting back to her office and watching some gay pornography, Deita was disappointed to note her door was already open when she got there.

Heaving a sigh through clenched teeth, she palmed the door open with a bang, satisfied by Lupin - who else would it be? - jumping anxiously in his seat facing her desk.

Deita stalked to her ergonomic leather chair and stood next to it, feet planted apart, arms crossed, willing the boy to be gone.

'What do you want?' she snapped, surprised to hear her voice was hoarse. Okay, so maybe it was the sexual frustration talking. She restlessly shifted her hips to displace some of her pent up energy, instead hitting something good against the scratchy lace of her panties, making the man in the boat give a little wave. Suffice to say, whilst having an inappropriate moment in front of a student, she had not taken in a word he'd just said.

'...So I thought I'd come to you for a debrief.' Remus finished, face still fushed from the incident. Then, noting Deita's frown of confusion, added slowly, 'Because the whole thing was a disaster?'

Deita leaned from foot to foot, not bothering to hide her frustration, as she explained in an exaggerately patient tone, 'The whole thing was a _success_.' She annunciated, now just saying anything to make Remus leave. 'Your man is got. Didn't you _see_ his face -'

'He looked like he was going to vomit,'

'The proverbial closet has been breeched, you've penetrated those hard walls,' Deita's throat caught as she swallowed back pooling saliva at ''penetrated', her eyes shifting to her computer screen furtively. 'If you read him right,' she continued heedlessly, close to losing the last shred of her composure, aside her proffessional cool, to her newfound overstimulation, 'And he's all yours. Just.. do something bold. Now, leave. _Go_.'

'You mean, _now_?' Remus stuttered, half rising out of his chair. 'As in, do it _now_?'

Deita waved absently, as she lowered herself carefully into her chair and wasted no time typing '''' into the url box. 'Yes, _go away_.' She unintentionally reassured, making Lupin make up his mind on the matter.

'All right,' he said soberly, focusing on forming a plan more than concentrating on walking, and strumbled as a result. 'All right,' he repeated, righting himself and continuing on his way as if on autopilot, closing the door behind him.

'_All right_,' Deita smiled, never so happy to be alone, as her eyes glazed over, scrolling down the webpage almost unseeing, at all the erotic imagery on offer to her at the click of a mouse. She started searching through a nearby desk drawer for that spare pair of undies. She'd definitely be needing those later.

x

'Ooh..._oooh_ -'

**Ring, ring..**

Deita had never held so much hostility towards an electrical device before, and snapped up the reciever with a vengence.

'What!'

'Uh, D?' She heard a tentative Sirius Black on the other end, calling her by his affectionate name for her, and she sighed, mellowing some. 'I think I'm gay. But I'm not sure. I mean.. how could I be?' Sirius continued, taking Deita's lack of response as permission to speak. She struggled to listen in her current condition, even as she thought, _No shit, captain obvious_. Instead drawling boredly, 'Step One,' as Black spoke over her, not hearing.

'No, I've been into girls exclusively all my life! Why should I stop now? I've definitely never looked at a bloke in a non-blokey way before last week, let alone taken the back route for a trial run - strictly pussy.' he was reassuring himself, but not sounding completely convinced. 'Jesus,' he burst out, suddenly angry, the reasoning obvious to Deita and she nodded to herself as Black continued. 'This never would have happened if it hadn't been for you!'

'You can thank me later. Step Two,' Deita drawled, leaning her chin on her hand, wondering how long this would take. ''This'' being, Sirius grieving over his lost heterosexuality. Deita's eyes were caught by the two fine male specimen's her attention had originally been focused on, that were now going at it enthusiastically, on her screen.

'Look, you have to help me,' Sirius tried again, changing tactics to bargain with his ex-lover, deperation creeping into his voice now, 'You have to make this - _him_- go away. You planned this whole thing, I know it, and you can _sodding well_ unplan it just the same - _please_, D! I'll do anything. I'll - I'll do that thing you like with the feather and the ice cube..?' Sirius' voice trailed off in question, wanting so hard to make this woman see his perspective, when at this point Deita was having difficulty keeping her eyes open at all. The phone was crandled in the crook of her shoulder against her ear, hands busy elsewhere as she found her interupted rhythm from before Sirius' phone call, giving herself over fully to the new guilty pleasure on the computer screen in front of her. 'Tempting... Step Three,' she managed, breath hitching, but Sirius was already moving on, not waiting for an answer.

'But now... I've lost James, I hardly speak to any of my other mates anymore - is there even any _point_ in trying to get things back to the way they were before?' Sirius' voice was flat and morose in contrast to the jublilent feelings Deita had going on in her netheregions, as she took the pace up a notch, in time with the gyrating figures on the webpage, wiggling in her chair and accidentally dropping the phone, now forgotten, hanging off of the desk on its spiral wire bungee cord. 'Step Four...' Deita gasped out between quickening breaths...and then gave hrself over to the sensations, releasing all of her built up student-inflicted sexual tension in one delicious blow. While she rocked her orgasm out, she tried not to think about the fact that she may have just got her jollies off to the Kubler-Ross Model of the five stages of grieving, instead letting herself realise she'd enjoyed herself more than she had with her young toy boys administering her in a long while. New ideas started to form in her mind from these new personal discoveries...

Meanwhile, Sirius noticed his listenee's now apparent distinct lack of participation or, indeed, interest, in the conversation and felt his uncontainable anger surface again in light of his self professed distress and crisis of identity falling on apparently deaf ears, shouting, 'Deita? DEITA! What the fuck are you doing that could possibly be more important than me - don't you even care that I'M GAY?'

Deita could hear the proclamation through the receiver swinging precariously off of the edge of her desk, and in her post coital haze, said on a sigh, 'Step Five.' and smiled lazily. 'Acceptance.'

x

'- DON'T YOU EVEN CARE THAT I'M GAY?' Sirius ended in a near hysterical shriek, holding the phone in a double handed vice grip in front of him, with the strong belief he might have crazy eyes.

A voice spoke from behind him, leaving the call forgotton as his hands dropped automatically to his sides, body tense as his insides turned to ice in dread. He turned sharply, ready to possibly start throwing punches or, alternately, at the other end of the scale, cry in unwilling arms. Jeez - he was acting like such a girl!

'Knock it off,' the person who turned out to be Shower Boy - _who else?_ - chastised, and Sirius was surprised momentarily to see anger in those liquid gold, usually warm, eyes. The boy continued despite getting no response, 'So you think you might be gay, and you're all beat up about it - well, okay, literally.' He allowed with a frown, continuing in softer this time, 'A lot of people - more than you think - are going through the same thing, or worse. No, it's not ideal, you can't always choose what your body wants, and sometimes life does suck because of it. But life IS complicated, Sirius. And if you stop being such an infant and deal with this, you'll become a better person because of it.' He finished, sounding uncomfortable at being in the position to be giving lectures, and added tentatively, 'Is it okay to call you Sirius? I hope it's okay - I mean, I don't even really _know_ you -'

'That's okay,' Sirius finally managed to say, after digesting the brute force of the other boy's words - some sinking in to make Sirius see the person he'd been running away from in himself, standing in front of him, staring back through foreign yet concerned eyes. The part of him that was scared of change and that he'd unfairly judged in this boy, based on his own failure to confront what the boy stood for in his mind.

Uncertainty.

Since the exchange in the showers that day, it had called into question everything that was stable and fact in Sirius' life, and made him put off the inevitable re-evaluating of his life to date. There were faults and flaws evident from his relationships and an underlying sense of unrest and discontent that were ingrained in the everyday of just being Sirius Black.

Sirius, suddenly lighter - having had such a brutally honest collection of sequential thoughts - let out a string of growing chuckles, somehow, out of this whole situation, laughing and not caring so much about being potentially homosexual, but about potentially not being an ass-hole the rest of his life, and turned crinkled eyes to the boy in front of him, giving him his full attention for the first time.

'Christ, I don't even know your name,' he prompted, smiling outright now. He was friendless, in the midst of an identity crisis, and now newly disillusioned - and felt better than he could remember feeling in a long time.

x

It was an understatement to say Remus wasn't taken aback by this new development of current events, but he automatically replied, 'Remus Lupin,' and stuck out a hand on a reflex. He hesitated, wondering belatedly if Sirius would be uncomfortable with body contact so soon after their last physical encounter.

But Remus need'nt have worried as to Sirius' sensibilities, as he suddenly found his body against Black ('Oof-!') in the other man's efforts to hurl them both across the room, so that within moments, they were pressed together, now within the confines of a small room. Before Remus had time to feel light headed by how fast things seemed to be moving, he instead felt Sirius' hand awkwardly obscure his mouth as the distant amble of too confident, happily overfed males making their way down the hall outside the dorm doorway, headed their way.

Remus' excitement at potentially getting another chance to snog Sirius, quickly deflated after that and Sirius took his hand away, focusing on what was happening outside. Remus noted that although Sirius had made a breakthrough, he was still harbouring the fear of being ''found out'' by those whose opinion mattered to him. Remus let out an inadvertent sigh, to have Sirius shush him violently.

'_I'm not happy about this_.' Remus whispered into Sirius' nearby ear, 'This is definitely _not_ healthy behaviour - we're in a bloody _closet, for christ's sake_!'

'_Shhh_!' Sirius hissed, and prayed, like his life depended on it, that no one opened the goddamned closet door.


End file.
